By Kristen Mudrack

It’s been a long time since I’ve picked up my pen. The world stood still for a while and circumstances in my life made it such that I didn’t want to write. I couldn’t find a way to say what I was thinking or feeling without sounding bitter and lonely. I couldn’t find a way to write something uplifting or encouraging. So I didn’t write.

In the past three years, our world has turned upside down, with everyone choosing sides and coming to blows over politics, vaccines, science, and more. Families were divided and churches were too. People felt marginalized because of the choices they made to keep their loved ones safe. People mourned the death of loved ones too soon. Students were sent home and online learning became the new norm. Zoom stocks soared. Churches figured out how to livestream their services and parents figured out how to juggle working from home or out of the home and having little to no childcare.

Now things are going back to normal-ish – and I don’t think it will ever be normal again. And I don’t think that’s a bad thing. But as things return to normal-ish, I’m reminded that the last three years have brought much trauma for all of us.

The world started living like my community lives – six feet apart, no touching, and masked up. The CF community has done this forever. We can’t be in the same room as each other, so we already use things like zoom and social media to keep ourselves grounded. And when the rest of the world went back to work and back to school, we wondered where we were going to be left behind. How long it would take for the world to remember that there are still people who are vulnerable among us.

Then in the midst of the pandemic, my family grew by two little people, and I began to ask all over again – when will the world remember these who are vulnerable? When I became a mom, my worldview shifted. No longer was I most concerned about my own health – I was most concerned for my children. No longer was I wondering if we should go back to church in person for myself – I was wondering for my kids.

Even without the pandemic, my perspective would have shifted because of my two littles. Having kids changes the way you spend your time, your money, your life. But they also teach you patience, joy, love, peace, kindness, goodness, self-control, and faithfulness. They have taught me how to love more deeply and pray more specifically. They have taught me to put aside my own agenda and play with blocks instead, to be okay with being late and less organized than I normally am. They have brought me closer to God.

As the world returns to “normal”, I hope that I do not. I don’t want to resort back to a time when I didn’t have my kids or the lessons they have taught me. I don’t want to go back to the excessive busyness and chaos. I don’t want to go back to not seeing the marginalized and the unseen. I’d rather move forward.

I want to return to some things, like writing. But I don’t want to go back completely. I hope you’ll move forward with me – in hope, in faith, in love, and in His Light.