By Kristen Entwistle
If you haven’t figured it out by now, it’s almost over. Summer, that is. Yup. Hate to burst your bubble, but it is.
It’s been a weird summer for me. It’s not at all what I was expecting. It wasn’t spent with who I thought it would be spent with. I didn’t do anything exciting or particularly relaxing. In fact, I’ve probably worked more this summer than ever before. I’ve written more this summer than ever before. I’ve felt more alone this summer than ever before. And through it all, God has( re)taught me so much. None of it easy, but taught nonetheless.
Just like every other summer, there have been weddings.
Just like every other summer, there have been babies born.
Just like every other summer, there has been loss.
Just like every other summer, there has been change.
Change. Not exactly my favorite word. I generally like things to stay the same, to a point. I like my comfort zone. I expected this summer to be different. I expected to spend it with different people. I expected to get more work done. I expected to be able to spend more time doing other things. I expected it to be normal. I didn’t expect it to change me.
But pushing me out of my comfort zone and challenging my expectations seems to be God’s calling on my life. And yet I still struggle with my own desires, my own plans for my life. I seem to think that if I make the perfect plan, God will see that it’s perfect and it’ll all work out. But never are my plans perfect. Never are they superior to His.
God’s been (re)teaching me that His plans are better than my own. Never did I expect to find and become a part of a ministry team (within the span of about 72 hours!) that can encourage hundreds of people in Christ. Never did I expect to write my own Bible study – and let other people read it, and maybe even publish it.
God’s been (re)teaching me that He can use me much more outside of my comfort zone where I must depend on Him. Never did I expect to be leading worship from the piano on Sunday mornings. Never did I expect the songs I sing to touch people’s lives. Never did I expect the words I write to be encouraging to someone else. Never did I expect God to use me as He has.
God’s been (re)teaching me that I need other people, that I can’t hope to walk this road alone. Never did I expect to be so alone in a crowded room, to be so invisible. Never did I expect to be physically alone. And yet through it God has taught me that I must let people into my life, into my struggles. I can’t do it all alone. Even when I have been hurt, rejected, beaten down, and struggling with more things that even I know, I have to continue to let people love me, help me, lift me up in prayer. That’s hard for me. To let people in, to let them see – I definitely identify a little bit with Elsa from Frozen there. (Now you’re singing it – admit it…Let it go, let it go…). Sorry – rabbit trail. But it’s hard for me to let people into my life, knowing that they could hurt me, that I could hurt them. But we have been called, like Paul and Silas and Timothy, to not only share the Gospel, but our lives as well. And that means letting people in. That means letting them know that you’re not perfect. That you struggle with things too.
God’s been (re)teaching me these things, and more, and He’s been changing me. I’m not the same person I was three months ago – still the same messed-up person, still the same struggling soul, still the same overextended grad student – but I’ve changed for the better. I’m not the same because I’ve been through more. I’ve learned more. I’ve lived more. If I’d gone through this summer and hadn’t been changed at all, I wouldn’t have learned anything. Through the change – over a lifetime, and over a summer – we get to see God do something extraordinary with ordinary people. There will still be weddings, and babies and loss.
And there will always be change. That much is certain. The question is, will you let it change you for the better?