By Kristen Entwistle
I am a Christian. And I am a scientist. And sometimes, I get caught up in the numbers, the data, and the predictions. Particularly when it comes to CF.
Because my life, for many years, revolved around a number. 37.5. It was my expiration date. What medical science said my life would be. And the scientist in me held onto that. Through the fault of no one else, I somehow had it through my head that my life had an end point and that I knew at least a general idea of when that would be. I used to count up the years that I would spend in school, through a PhD program – when I finish I will be in my late 20s. How many years did that leave me to make an impact? To do something worthwhile with my life?
I’ve known forever that we can’t know the day or the time or how we’ll go home to the Lord. It’s been engrained in my head for over two decades. But somehow, the science and the medicine and the numbers had impeded my faith.
Because it’s not true. I’m more than just a number. More than just a disease. More than just another n in a paper. I’m more than just my life expectancy.
My life already does mean something: because Christ has saved me and set me free from the bondage of sin. I don’t need to worry about making an impact in this world, because all I can really do is lay down my life at the foot of the cross and ask God to use my life for His glory.
I am living for more than just a number. I am living for the King of Kings, the Savior of the World. I have been freely given salvation, grace, and mercy, and the promise of a better life in heaven, where there will be no more pain, no more sickness, and no more death. I can’t wait for that.
But as much as I am looking forward to that, I am going to, to borrow a phrase from La Vida, be here now. I’ve got to live in the here and now, a vessel for God to use, no matter what. I’ve got to choose to give the numbers to God, and trust Him to see me through, and to call me home in His timing.