By Cody Mudrack

This past year has been the best year of my life. I’m not kidding either; I got married almost exactly 11 months ago.  It is said that everything changes when you get married, and I’m no exception. The things that I did before seem so foreign to me now. I know it’s only been 11 months, but I’ve changed so much over those months that I can barely recognize the person before.

I moved to Tennessee right after we got married, so I’ve currently been here 11 months, but I’m originally from northern Indiana. I think that’s the one thing that has allowed me to grow so much as a person. I’ve eliminated everything that I used to know in favor of the great beyond; in favor of what lies next. By getting away, I’ve allowed myself to examine who I am – think about what I believe and why I believe it. I didn’t just change one part of my life like what would be true if I had stayed in northern Indiana, I changed literally everything: I went from having a job to having no job; having great friends to having no one except my wife, my best friend; having a great church to attending new, different one; having family nearby to only seeing them every several months or so.

I think it’s important to get away for a while. To leave what you know in search of meaning and purpose. When you change your surroundings, you are forced to think differently and consider things that you never did before. You get different inputs, which is instrumental in discovering if your current ones are valid and useful. Some people go away on a weekend “get-a-way”, and while these can be useful, I don’t think that they are sufficient for deep reflection.

One thing that has been difficult for me is not having a job. It’s just the male desire that I must provide for my family. But let us explore that for a moment. Is this feeling valid? Should I have a job? We aren’t doing bad financially; my wife makes enough to support us both, and she’s also very supportive of making sure I have a job that I want, not just any job. This I appreciate, but it’s against my intuition. I was taught that a job is for providing for your family and nothing more. It isn’t for making friends, it isn’t a place to have fun or to enjoy, it’s about making money to provide for your family. It’s ok to make friends and have fun at work but never forget the primary reason you’re there. This advice is how I survived five years in a fiberglass factory. Now I believe this is sound advice, but I also feel it is incomplete. Yes, a job is for making money, but it doesn’t have to be unenjoyable. I do believe that you should learn to be content with whatever you currently have – again, fiberglass factory; 5 years – but there’s also nothing wrong with seeking a position that doesn’t crush your soul – finding a new job when you can’t take any more of your current one. This is what my wife was getting at when she said she wants me to have a job I enjoy. She just wants me to be happy and now I have the opportunity to study what I want to do. So, should I have a job? Not right now. My goal right now is to get through school, so later I can get a job in something I enjoy.

This brings up another point I’m learning: being dependent on other people. Our society today is so caught up in doing things yourself and being independent. But is self-sufficiency really the goal? According to Stephen Covey, no it isn’t. In his book “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People” Covey explains that independence is only part way to our overall journey toward being an effective person. The ultimate goal is interdependence. This is different from the first stage, dependence and it is different from the second stage, independence. Dependence says “You should do this for me. You’re the reason for my problems,” independence says “I can do this on my own. I can solve my own problems.” The last stage is different. Interdependence says “Together, we can accomplish more than we could separately. We can overcome this problem more effectively if we work together.” Marriage is all about interdependence and in this stage of my life, I am forced to put my pride aside and depend on my wife for financial support. Being a man, this isn’t easy. I don’t care if she makes more money than me, I just feel that I need to be contributing somehow. However, I need to remember that being interdependent is the goal. I may not be helping financially right now, but my wife is willing to taking up the financial responsibility so that I can improve myself in order to be more effective later on.

This year has been a major step in my journey and it hasn’t been easy, but I’m excited to discover what God has in store for me.