Christmas is just 8 days away, and for many families in Connecticut, it will be a different Christmas, a hard Christmas.  To see the unopened gifts under the tree intended for a son, a daughter, a mother, a wife, a father, a husband who isn’t there to open them.  To see the reminders of a life taken too soon all around you, and to know that you won’t see them again in this life here on Earth.  Bitterness, anger, hurt, longing, pain – emotions surfacing at the mention of a name, a place, an event, seeing a photo, a drawing, going to a place special to them.

I cannot begin to imagine how difficult this must be for everyone affected directly or indirectly in Connecticut.  My thoughts and prayers go out to every family there, including the family of the shooter and the victims.  Even for those of us just hearing about these events, we are touched, and this will be a different Christmas for us also.  As we hold our family closer in light of this tragedy, may we remember to take nothing for granted every day, not just on Christmas.

It was a day like any other when some shepherds were watching their flocks on a hillside near Bethlehem.  I’d imagine the shepherds were getting tired, some may even have been grumbling about how long of a day it had been, how they wanted another job – they were tired of watching smelly sheep all day.

Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying,

“Glory to God in the highest heaven,

When the angels had left them and gone into heaven, the shepherds said to one another, “Let’s go to Bethlehem and see this thing that has happened, which the Lord has told us about.”

So they hurried off and found Mary and Joseph, and the baby, who was lying in the manger.When they had seen him, they spread the word concerning what had been told them about this child, and all who heard it were amazed at what the shepherds said to them.  But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart. The shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all the things they had heard and seen, which were just as they had been told.

A different “Christmas” for these shepherds, too.  This day was filled with joy and thanksgiving – for a Savior had come, Emmanuel, God with us.  Even amidst the pain and the sadness and darkness that is in this world, let us proclaim Jesus’ coming, his birth in the manger, loud for all to hear.  Let us be a light in this dark world, when all around us seems to crumble, let us stand on the solid Rock.  So yes, this will be a different Christmas: one where His Glory and Majesty are praised even through the sorrow.

Look at these lyrics from Paul Baloche’s Offering.  Listen to it if you want to: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BYvn4fnWH6w

Over the skies of Bethlehem appeared a star

While angels sang to lowly shepherds

Three wise men seeking truth traveled from afar

Hoping to find the child from heaven

Falling on their knees

They bowed before the humble Prince of Peace

I bring an offering of worship to my King

I bring an offering

Of worship to my King

No one on earth deserves

The praises that I sing

Jesus may you receive

The honor that You’re due

O Lord, I bring an offering to you

I bring an offering to you

The sun cannot compare

The glory of Your love

There is no shadow in Your presence

No mortal man would dare

To stand before Your throne

Before the Holy One of heaven

It’s only by your blood

And its only through your mercy

Lord, I come

And another song, from Point of Grace, called One King: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e013hM0BRuA

Kings of earth on a course unknown

Bearing gifts from afar

Hoping praying

Following yonder star

Silhouette of a caravan

Painted against the sky

Wise men searching

For the holy child

One king held the frankincense

One king held the myrrh

One king held the purest gold

One king held the hope of the world

A star hangs over bethlehem

A journey ends in the night

Three kings trembling

Behold the glorious sight

Heaven’s treasure emmanuel

Drawing men to bow down

Tiny baby born to wear a crown

One king held the frankincense

One king held the myrrh

One king held the purest gold

One king held the hope of the world

We read in Matthew chapter 2 about the visit of the Magi to Mary, Jesus and Joseph.  Although this probably occurred nearly two years after his birth, we still celebrate it at this time of year.  Often we forget that they played an important role in the prophecy of what was to come in Jesus’ life.  The gifts that were offered to Jesus were symbolic – frankincense, myrrh and gold.  Some of these gifts make sense – Jesus is a king, and gold is fitting for such royalty.

Let me diverge for a moment and tell you a little about the other two gifts from a botanical and scientific point of view.  Myrrh is a natural gum from the Commiphora tree.  When it is harvested from the tree, the tree is wounded repeatedly to let the gum bleed out.  It is used today for medicinal uses, including to help lower blood sugar of diabetics in an herbal therapy used in Kuwait.  In Jesus’ day, it was typically used for embalming.  Frankincense is a resin obtained from the Boswelia trees.  It can be tapped from trees, and the resulting hardened resin is referred to as tears.  One species of Boswelia tree is unique in that it can grow in harsh environments, even growing straight out of solid rock.  From all that I can find, frankincense is used as an incense both in temples and in burnt offerings during Jesus’ life.

What I find interesting about these two resins is that they both have qualities that remind me of times in Jesus’ life.  It is well known that myrrh foreshadows Jesus’ death, but the way that myrrh is harvested is also very interesting.  “wounded repeatedly to let the gum bleed out” – reminds me of Jesus on the cross, but also of what I do every day, and what you do too.  It wasn’t just the Jews’ sins that put Jesus on the cross.  It was yours, and mine too.  Every day I wound Christ repeatedly, with my careless words, my wrong thoughts, my judgements of others.  It was my sin that nailed him to that cross, and my continued sins that wound him.  The uniqueness of the Boswelia tree growing out of rocks is reminiscent of Jesus’ life.  Even in the hardest environments, he shone, and God’s will was done.  And isn’t it interesting that the frankincense resin is known as tears?  Those that have been shed in the past, and those that will still be shed to be wiped away be none other than our Savior some day?

And yet, all these things being equal, they may be just coincidences.  But what really gets me about this part of the story and the songs I shared at the beginning, is the word offering.  What are you bringing as an offering to God this day?  It’s probably not gold, frankincense or myrrh.  It’s probably not even anything you can touch.  What are you bringing to God that he can use?  Isn’t that how we talk about gifts, too?  We want to give someone something under the Christmas tree that they can use, something that they won’t just throw in a box and forget about.  So what are you giving God today, not just on Christmas?  What offering are you bringing to him who has given you life, salvation, and purpose.

I love songs.  They have a way of sticking in my head and staying there, and when I most need them, they come back to the front of my mind and remind me of important things.  Today’s song comes from one of the most prominent people in the Christmas miracle, Mary.

Mary did you know that your baby boy would some day walk on water?

Mary did you know that your baby boy would save our sons and daughters?

Did you know that your baby boy has come to make you new?

This child that you’ve delivered, will soon deliver you.

Mary did you know that your baby boy would give sight to a blind man?

Mary did you know that your baby boy would calm a storm with his hand?

Did you know that your baby boy has walked where angels trod?

And when your kiss your little baby, you have kissed the face of God.

Oh Mary did you know

The blind will see, the deaf will hear, the dead will walk again.

The lame will leap, the dumb will speak, the praises of the lamb

Mary did you know that your baby boy is Lord of all creation?

Mary did you know that your baby boy would one day rule the nations?

Did you know that your baby boy is heaven’s perfect Lamb?

This sleeping child you’re holding is the great I am

When the angel showed up in Mary’s home and told her she was going to be pregnant,  there’s no doubt in my mind that she was shocked.  Yet, she asked the angel only one question: “How can this be?”  My response probably would have been something along these lines: “Um… sorry?  I’m going to be what?  When?  How?  Why?”  What we forget in today’s culture is that, unlike today, Mary would have been shunned, perhaps even stoned for becoming pregnant  before she was married, whether it was with her betrothed or another.  With that in mind, my response would have been more like this: “What?  Are you trying to ruin my life?  Why would this ever be a good thing?  Oh, and by the way, how in the world is this pregnancy going to happen, assuming, or course, that I believe you?”  That response probably would have gotten me struck by lightening, but Mary’s response is simple, full of humility, and full of faith.  “How can this be since I am a virgin?”  The angel calmly explains it to her, and Mary’s response to this incredible turn of events, “I am the Lord’s servant.  May it be to me as you have said.”  Later on, when they are visiting the temple, Mary is told that her son will  “cause the falling and rising of many in Israel, and to be a sign that will be spoken against,  so that the thoughts of many hearts will be revealed. And a sword will pierce your own soul too.”  How heartbreaking to hear that trouble will come, but how joyous to know that a savior is born!

How often we are presented with things in our lives that we don’t see the full impact of until later.  Like Mary, many of us have face a time when we must decide whether we will have faith or if we will doubt.  Too often we fall into doubt, not trusting God to bring things to their fulfillment in time.  Too often we look to people to be our savior rather than to the one and only Savior.  Too often, we lose that simple, humble, faithful attitude, and fall to cynicism, doubt and fear.  But this Christmas season, this is my prayer, echoed of Mary.

My soul glorifies the Lord

and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior,

for he has been mindful

of the humble state of his servant.

the Mighty One has done great things for me—

holy is his name.

His mercy extends to those who fear him,

from generation to generation.

He has performed mighty deeds with his arm;

he has scattered those who are proud in their inmost thoughts.

He has brought down rulers from their thrones

but has lifted up the humble.

He has filled the hungry with good things

but has sent the rich away empty.

He has helped his servant Israel,

remembering to be merciful

to Abraham and his descendants forever,

just as he promised our ancestors.

The Lord has done great things for me,

holy is his name.

His kingdom come, His will be done

In my life, now and forevermore.

This is my favorite time of the year.  The lights on the houses, the Christmas trees glistening through the windows, the stockings hung by the chimney, the music drifting from the radio, the snow falling from the sky, the nativity scene on the lawns of churches, the family gatherings, the sweets constantly in the oven.  I’m not as big of a fan of the long lines at stores, the hype over buying things we don’t need, the constant ToysRUs commercials, or the “consumer” aspect of Christmas.  That’s not to say that I don’t like giving and receiving gifts.  I love to see the looks on my family’s faces when they open up that used DVD that they wanted (my brother), the kitchen gadget that needed replaced (my mom), the power tools (my dad), or the new clothes (my sister), but recently I’ve moved more towards making gifts.  There are still some things I’ll buy, but I want people to know that I cared enough to make them something for Christmas – whether it’s a collage of their favorite moments, a scarf or a hat, or a delicious batch of cookies, I made it for them.  And what I really want to see is the smile on their face that tells me they appreciate it, even if it’s not what they asked for.

All that aside, that’s not really what I wanted to write about today.  Giving is an important part of this time of year, but we often forget in all the busyness and consumerism what we were first given.  We all know the Christmas story, from everyone’s different point of view.  I’d encourage you not to just skip over the following text from Luke 1 & 2, but to  really read it like you’re hearing it for the first time.  Be amazed again.

²⁶ In the sixth month of Elizabeth’s pregnancy, God sent the angel Gabriel to Nazareth, a town in Galilee, ²⁷ to a virgin pledged to be married to a man named Joseph, a descendant of David. The virgin’s name was Mary. ²⁸ The angel went to her and said, “Greetings, you who are highly favored! The Lord is with you.”

²⁹ Mary was greatly troubled at his words and wondered what kind of greeting this might be. ³⁰ But the angel said to her, “Do not be afraid, Mary; you have found favor with God. ³¹ You will conceive and give birth to a son, and you are to call him Jesus. ³² He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High. The Lord God will give him the throne of his father David, ³³ and he will reign over Jacob’s descendants forever; his kingdom will never end.”

³⁴ “How will this be,” Mary asked the angel, “since I am a virgin?”

³⁵ The angel answered, “The Holy Spirit will come on you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you. So the holy one to be born will be called^[b] the Son of God. ³⁶ Even Elizabeth your relative is going to have a child in her old age, and she who was said to be unable to conceive is in her sixth month. ³⁷ For no word from God will ever fail.”

³⁸ “I am the Lord’s servant,” Mary answered. “May your word to me be fulfilled.” Then the angel left her.

2 In those days Caesar Augustus issued a decree that a census should be taken of the entire Roman world. ² (This was the first census that took place while^[a] Quirinius was governor of Syria.) ³ And everyone went to their own town to register.

⁴ So Joseph also went up from the town of Nazareth in Galilee to Judea, to Bethlehem the town of David, because he belonged to the house and line of David. ⁵ He went there to register with Mary, who was pledged to be married to him and was expecting a child. ⁶ While they were there, the time came for the baby to be born, ⁷ and she gave birth to her firstborn, a son. She wrapped him in cloths and placed him in a manger, because there was no guest room available for them.

⁸ And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. ⁹ An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. ¹⁰ But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid. I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all the people. ¹¹ Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is the Messiah, the Lord. ¹² This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.”

¹³ Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying,

¹⁵ When the angels had left them and gone into heaven, the shepherds said to one another, “Let’s go to Bethlehem and see this thing that has happened, which the Lord has told us about.”

¹⁶ So they hurried off and found Mary and Joseph, and the baby, who was lying in the manger. ¹⁷ When they had seen him, they spread the word concerning what had been told them about this child, ¹⁸ and all who heard it were amazed at what the shepherds said to them. ¹⁹ But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart. ²⁰ The shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all the things they had heard and seen, which were just as they had been told.

²¹ On the eighth day, when it was time to circumcise the child, he was named Jesus, the name the angel had given him before he was conceived.

Jesus Presented in the Temple

²² When the time came for the purification rites required by the Law of Moses, Joseph and Mary took him to Jerusalem to present him to the Lord ²³ (as it is written in the Law of the Lord, “Every firstborn male is to be consecrated to the Lord”^[b]), ²⁴ and to offer a sacrifice in keeping with what is said in the Law of the Lord: “a pair of doves or two young pigeons.”^[c]

²⁵ Now there was a man in Jerusalem called Simeon, who was righteous and devout. He was waiting for the consolation of Israel, and the Holy Spirit was on him. ²⁶ It had been revealed to him by the Holy Spirit that he would not die before he had seen the Lord’s Messiah. ²⁷ Moved by the Spirit, he went into the temple courts. When the parents brought in the child Jesus to do for him what the custom of the Law required, ²⁸ Simeon took him in his arms and praised God, saying:

³³ The child’s father and mother marveled at what was said about him. ³⁴ Then Simeon blessed them and said to Mary, his mother: “This child is destined to cause the falling and rising of many in Israel, and to be a sign that will be spoken against, ³⁵ so that the thoughts of many hearts will be revealed. And a sword will pierce your own soul too.”

³⁶ There was also a prophet, Anna, the daughter of Penuel, of the tribe of Asher. She was very old; she had lived with her husband seven years after her marriage, ³⁷ and then was a widow until she was eighty-four.^[e] She never left the temple but worshiped night and day, fasting and praying. ³⁸ Coming up to them at that very moment, she gave thanks to God and spoke about the child to all who were looking forward to the redemption of Jerusalem.

³⁹ When Joseph and Mary had done everything required by the Law of the Lord, they returned to Galilee to their own town of Nazareth. ⁴⁰ And the child grew and became strong; he was filled with wisdom, and the grace of God was on him.

Imagine that you were a fly on the wall of the stable that night.  What a story you would have to tell!  “Mom!  Mom!  Listen!  I was eating some sap off the wall of that old stable down in Bethlehem last night, and a baby was born, right there in front of me!  I don’t know why these people were there, but they laid the baby in a manger to sleep.  Then, this ruckus group of shepherds came with their sheep, and I thought I was going to die because there were so many of them, but they came in and said that an angel – yeah an ANGEL – had come and told them that they would find this baby here in this stable, and they had come to see him.  I don’t know what is so special about this baby, but they were really excited about him.  Then they left, and went to tell everyone that this baby had been born.  He must be really special Mom, but if He was so special, why was he born in that old stable?  Surely someone would have given him and his parents a bed at the inn if he was that important!”  How amazing, how wonderful this birth!  That the Son of God would come as a baby, a helpless child, to this Earth and grow up only to die on a cross.  But that death on the cross gave us more than we ever could have hoped for.  Instead of having to go through the high priests to take our requests before God, like a land line phone (do you even remember what that is?), we have a direct dial to him, a cell phone in our pockets.  If He hadn’t come as a baby in that lowly manger, we would not have such a relationship today.

There are so many people in this story who stand out, and over the course of the next few weeks, hopefully I’ll be able to journey with you through the people – Mary, Joseph, Jesus, the Shepherds, Simeon and Anna, the Wise Men, Elizabeth and Zachariah.  So I invite you to come back to this blog, and put the Christ back in Christmas with me this season.

Comment with your favorite part of this season, and journey with me as we look forward to the celebration of the season.

Last week, Lansing had their annual “light up downtown” for Christmas event.  There was a parade in the dark, the lighting of the tree in front of the capitol, and fireworks, as well as a number of little things around town, like live reindeer and pictures with Santa and a 5K race.  A friend and I had decided to go down for the parade and fireworks, and we got there plenty early so that we could have good standing positions to see.  There were already people five or six rows deep by the time we got there, but we found a fairly decent spot close to the capitol and settled in for the parade.  A little while passed and a mom with her son in a stroller came up behind us.  The boy had cerebral palsy, as we later learned, and we let him and his mom and grandfather in front of us so that he could see better.   The woman was a chatter, and we got her life story and then some as we stood there waiting for the parade, which I didn’t mind.  As the parade started, people started to gather round and push in closer.  A mom with her two young kids (a boy probably 9 and a girl probably 7) came up behind us and the kids started complaining that they couldn’t see.  We let them in front of us so that they could see, and I started telling the little girl what was coming because I could see over her head.  Eventually she got tired of standing, and went back to her mom and asked her to put her on her shoulders.  Her mother said no, and the little girl went back to her spot where she had been watching.  I leaned down and asked her if she wanted to sit on my shoulders so that she could see better.  Her eyes lit up and she nodded, and climbed up onto my shoulders.  Before, she hadn’t said a word to me, and now, she was the one telling me what was coming.  Now she couldn’t stop talking!  Before the parade was over, their mom said they had to go, and the little girl climbed down and said thanks.

It’s small, but this event reminded me that sometimes, we can see what’s coming down the road before it gets to us, and we’re ready for what gets thrown our way.  But other times, we have to rely on someone else to tell us what’s coming, and we get an incomplete picture of what is coming our way.  Other times, we just have to wait until the events cross our paths, and as much as we’d like to, we don’t know what’s coming.

I’d like to know what’s going to happen in my life and when, but that’s not the way it works.  I don’t even know what’s going to happen tomorrow, but sometimes I get a glimpse of the future through the eyes of a child.  I just have to be willing to listen.

…makes you stronger.

We toss around this saying in many situations – in the class that kicks our butt, the lab that made us work really hard, the ridiculous and hurtful things people say and do, the inconvenient sickness, the difficult family situations, and many, many more.  Most of the time, this is actually true.  But most of the time we’re also overexaggerating.  That test isn’t going to kill you at all – in fact the worst it can do is give you a paper cut and a failing grade.   Being lonely isn’t going kill you, it’s just going to change the dynamic of things for a while.  Changing circumstances and moving states or countries isn’t going to kill you, it’s just going to be different for a while.  This sickness isn’t going to kill you (hopefully), it just makes life different and sometimes difficult for a while.   All of these things we generally associate with being negative.  In  fact, I’d like to ask you to think of these things as positive, and I’ll tell you why.

Failing a test, well, I can’t find much good in that, right?  😉  Wrong.  Perhaps failing that test will cause you to have to take the class over again and when you take it over again, you’ll be the person everyone goes to for help, and by teaching the material yourself, you learn it better and it serves you better in the long run.  Perhaps failing that test will get you kicked out of grad school, but then you find that doing hurricane relief with the Red Cross is really where you are supposed to be and what you are supposed to be doing.  Sometimes God allows these “bad” things to happen to facilitate something incredible.  Now, that doesn’t mean you don’t need to study for that test, failing usually isn’t the best option.  But good can come of it if it happens.

Being lonely.  It isn’t fun, nor does it usually get better when friends around you are getting engaged and married and starting families.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m infinitely happy for these people, and I pray God’s blessing on their lives every day.  I want other people to be happy and to not be lonely.  But, being lonely can be a good thing.  It means that you can leave your clothes in a pile on the floor and no one cares, or your dishes in the sink overnight.  It also gives you time to reflect on the things that have happened in your life and the chance to really depend on God.  Who better to fill the hole of friendship and relationship than the one and only true God?  I have to be satisfied with who I am as a person, my faults and my shortcomings, before I can ask someone else to come into my life and bear my burdens as well as their own.  I have to be truly satisfied in Christ, being in the world but not of the world, and being lonely helps to give me reason to rely on God – for everything.  So, there is good in being lonely.

Changing circumstances and moving.  I’ve expressed my views on this in previous posts, but let me sum it up here.  I’ve moved from Rhode Island to Ohio, from Ohio to Massachusetts, from Massachusetts temporarily back to Ohio, and from Ohio to Michigan.  The last three of these have happened in the last four years, and I wouldn’t have traded it for anything.  Even though at the time, the move seemed difficult and insane, they turned out to be exactly what I needed.  At Gordon I found friendship and a church family and my calling.  There were hard times and good times, tough times and sad times.  But Christ brought me through.  Then I moved to Michigan, and so far I’ve found mostly dark clouds.  But you have to face those clouds to find the silver lining – and that takes time.  It’s only been 3.5 months, but I’ve still seen good in my time here, places of witness and people who love God.  There is good in this, in time.

Sickness.  Okay, you’re saying.  There’s no way you can find good in this.  Try me.  I’ve been abnormally healthy for all of my life, given that I have CF.  I’ve been very fortunate.  But even I have good days and bad days.  On the good days, it’s easy to be cheerful and smile, act like my life is just like yours: normal.  It’s easy to put the medications and therapies in the back of my mind and forget that I got up really early to do my meds before coming to work when you just rolled out of bed.  On the bad days, it’s harder to act like everything is okay, like I’m not jealous of people who don’t have to worry about what they eat, what they touch, who they are around.  There are lots of small things that I’m self-conscious about that others make fun of, not realizing that it hurts.  For example, coughing.  When people scoot over and act like you have leprosy when you cough, or look at you like you’re a disruption, or when a teacher asks you to leave because the people around you can’t hear.  Or when people tell you that you’re not going to amount to anything in life because you’re sick.  Those are the bad days.  But even on the bad days, I am a witness for Christ, I can be someone who helps out those around me, regardless of how I feel.  In my CF, I’ve seen God work, I’ve seen him bring good out of it, particularly at Gordon.  And even now, battling another pathogen, I can see the good in it.  It’s all a matter of your attitude and how you look at it.

Let me add one more to the list.  Death.  My paternal grandmother’s passing just recently brought my great uncle his family, who never would have come all together unless she had passed away.  My maternal grandfather’s death gave my grandmother a new perspective on some things, and has caused one of her sons to move back home to be closer to her, bringing her family closer together.  Evangylena’s death from cancer at age 21 caught my entire class at Gordon by surprise.  Even in the sadness, her voice rang clear in the chapel and more people than ever have heard her incredible voice since her death.  Her death hit very close to home for me, and it called all of us to live every day to it’s fullest because we don’t know which day will be our last.

Even in death, and sometimes especially in death, we are stronger.  There is good that comes from these things, the hard things, the difficult things.  Strength that we could never have otherwise attained.  Love that we never would have found.  Faith that is stronger.  Hope that is purer.  Even on the hard days, in the bad times, in the sickness and the pain, we will be stronger.  God will be higher.  He will bring good from these things.  God is good.  ALL the time.

Ten weeks ago, I walked into a lab where I knew no one, knew nothing.  I had no prior knowledge of the research I was going to be doing and little knowledge of the techniques I was going to be using.  I spent the first few weeks learning where things were and how to do simple assays, and reading lots of articles.  There was one day I got so tired of reading articles that I begged the post doc and lab manager to give me something to do, anything to do that used my hands, chemicals, anything but reading.  I then spent the next eight weeks running different assays, cell culture studies, fluorescence microscope analyses.  But it wasn’t about what I was doing in terms of research and science that made this rotation worth it.  Yes, that was important.  The techniques are valuable and the science repeatable (mostly.).  But I learned more about why God placed me here than anything.

Ten weeks ago, I didn’t know the people in my lab.  I came in, did my work, left, and came back the next day.  I rarely spoke to anyone except to ask about techniques, procedures, where things were.  I didn’t let anyone into my little world, I didn’t ask to be let into theirs.  But then a simple “Hello” turned into “How was your weekend?”  or “How was your evening?”  A one word answer one week turned into a whole paragraph answer the next.  It took ten weeks, but I know these people now.  Not very well, but enough for one of them to open up and trust me – to tell me about their struggles and the death of a friend.  Another one has opened up about the life she led before she found Christ, and the joys in her life since.

Ten weeks ago, I couldn’t have predicted that it would turn out this way, that these people could trust me and open up and let me into their lives.  Ten weeks ago, I set out to find some answers in science.  Ten weeks later, I found friendship and trust in people around me.  And I care about them.  A great deal.  I will continue to care about them and pray for them even after I leave this lab next week.  I gained much more than knowledge during these ten weeks.  I gained friendships and perspective.  I learned a little bit about why I’m here, why God placed me here, in Michigan, in this program, in this lab, at this time.  And I’m thankful for it.

I wasn’t watching the TODAY show this morning, I was at work early.  But when I logged on Facebook after class, I saw a story that caught my eye, and it happened to be aired on the TODAY show this morning.  I’ve posted the link to the story at the bottom of this post, but here’s the gist.  There is an 11 year old boy in California who has two genetic mutations for CF, but has no symptoms (according to the story run in the SFGate (link below)).  Doctors have said that he does not have CF but have continued to monitor him for any changes.  The boy started at a new school this fall and when the administration found out that he had the genetic disposition for CF, they told his parents that he had to move schools because there was already another CF patient enrolled at the school.  For those of you who don’t know, doctors require that non-sibling CF patients not be within 3 feet of each other in order to reduce the rate and incidence of secondary infections and pathogen accumulation(such as P. aeruginosa and B. cepacia).    The parents of the boy are outraged because their son, they say, poses no risk to the other child with CF because he shows no symptoms.

There are a number of sides to this coin that I’d like to address.

Is this boy really not a risk just because he shows no symptoms?  

There is no way of actually knowing this is true without running an unethical scientific study on current patients.  To my knowledge, different mutations of the gene (of which there are over 1,000 known) and the combination of the two mutations causes different symptoms in every CF patient.  No two patients are alike and the extent of the progression of the disease as well as how it manifests itself is complicated.  A carrier  is someone who has only one mutated allele and one nonmutated allele.  The TODAY show host said that the boy was only a carrier, but the article suggests that he is not.  Carriers indeed have no harmful effect on people with CF other than the normal colds and other stuff that we pass around in large quantities.  If this boy is indeed a carrier, then he is not a risk or at risk.  However, if he does have two mutated alleles, even though he shows no symptoms, he could be.  We don’t know.

Was it right for the school to demand that he leave?  

There are legal answers to this question that my sister would be better to address, but let me come at it from a medical perspective.  Of the roughly 300 million people in the US, 30,000 of them have CF.  On a campus of 40,000 people, that works out to four of us (statistically).  In San Fransisco, statistically 80 people will have CF.  The odds of these CF patients running into each other accidentally is increasing because patients are living longer.  If the boy really does have CF (as I assume he does based on genetic screening, it may just onset later in life), then he is in fact a risk to the other student just as much as the other student is a risk to him.  In this light, I don’t think the school was right to tell him to leave.  There are ways to limit contact between the two students (especially given that the other student is older than he is), and I think that these measures should have at least been discussed before anyone was asked to leave.  As a side note, I know that there are a few other CF patients at MSU, and I have no way of knowing if I come into physical contact with them at all.  But at a school this big, it is more likely that I’ll get a cold that will turn into a bacterial infection from my labmate than to get P. aeruginosa from another CF patient.  That being said, I’m still careful (as you should be too!) and the other patients that I do know here and across the country are contacted by email and phone and skype rather than face to face.

What does this mean for the rest of the CF population?  

There a lot of potential implications for the rest of the CF population.  It really depends on how people view it.  Here’s my take, feel free to disagree.  Similar to last week’s post about labeling people with health problems, this now labels specifically the CF population.  Although I appreciate the school’s attempt to keep both students safe and healthy, it creates a stigma that is going to be hard to break.  It labels us a danger, and many people may extend it to people other than CF patients.  I’ve never been one for labels (except on test tubes and plates) and I’m not for it here either. I think the school is right to try to keep both students safe and healthy, but they went about it the wrong way.

Rather than put a label on a kid or an adult, why can’t we just try to love them?  I saw a quote somewhere the other day that said, “Don’t judge.  You don’t know what I’ve asked her to bear.”  It’s a good reminder to all of us that we all have stuff going on in our lives, burdens that God has asked us to carry.  Who are we to label or judge people when we don’t know their pain, their burdens, or their joys?  I know I’m not perfect at this – I snapped just yesterday at a particularly annoying student who wanted to be lazy and make someone else do the work for him.  Was it right for me to snap at him? No, I don’t know what he’s going through or what he may be dealing with.

All of this to say, why should we label people?  As smart, fat, skinny, stupid, lazy, arrogant, rude, pompous, CF, cancer, sick, healthy or otherwise?  I know there will be a day where we can look past all of this stuff and see the image of God, but here on this Earth, we are labeled by people, by insurance companies, by doctors, by friends.  I’m labeled by insurance companies as an expensive pre-existing condition; by doctors as a CF and diabetic patient; by people who don’t know me as “sick” and a “risk” and by friends in a number of ways both positive and negative.  It shouldn’t, but my condition has been held against me in relationships and in the workplace because of these labels.

Perhaps this report should, rather than anger us over injustice or justice (whichever way we see it), right or wrong – perhaps it should point us back to ourselves and how we see and treat each other, whether in sickness, health, work, school, the bus stop or the work dinner, on the street just passing by or sitting down for coffee.  I’ll definitely be thinking about how I treat others today, and know that I don’t know what they’re going through, and rather than judge them, pray for them.

http://video.today.msnbc.msn.com/today/49446231#49446231

http://www.sfgate.com/health/article/Boy-in-school-flap-over-cystic-fibrosis-3944802.php?cmpid=twitter

I was watching the TODAY show this morning before coming to work, and this was one of the questions that they were asking their “experts.”  When I initially heard them say that they were going to be asking this question, I was repulsed.  Why should we even have to ask this question, better yet, why are we asking it on national television to three people who I don’t even know or recognize?  Then, I was intrigued.  I wanted to know what the “experts” were going to say, what they thought.  After listening to the report, and doing some research of my own, I found that the question arose from a new study that 40% of people surveyed with this question answered “yes”.  That report got me thinking, and so I posed the  question to the world (aka Facebook) and received many responses from people who have health problems and people who don’t (A huge thank you to all of you who responded!!).

As someone with a health problem, I’d like to think that people can look past the outside and see what’s inside.  I have many friends for which this is true, and the person they have ended up marrying is their best friend, supporter, and cheerleader.  They go through everything together, the doctor’s visits, the trips to the hospital and ER, the issues with insurance companies, medications, surgeries… the list goes on.  And as much as the person with health problems leans on the one without, the one without depends on the other just as much, just for other things.

I’m so thankful for these people and am so glad that they have been a blessing to others.  But I also know and have experienced the 60% of people in that survey.  I’ve been hurt so badly by someone who told me that I was worth nothing because I was going to die young, that he didn’t know why he dated me in the first place because I had CF.  It doesn’t take much to realize that these words were said in haste and in anger, but they still hurt.  They also make me much more hesitant to put myself out there, to hope that there is a person in that 40% out there that would be willing to love me for me.  Any confidence I had was shattered, any hope I had flew away.  Especially when I hear reports like today’s on the news, these things surface again.  As I’ve said before, I know that God has it all in his plan and that all things work together for his good, and I’m encouraged by stories like those of Kait, Jake, Abbe, Steve, and many others.

For those who have someone to lean on, you are very very blessed indeed. For those of us who are still trying to do this on our own, faithfully patiently waiting can be tough. But, God has it all in his hands, and his timing is not our timing.

Two and a half weeks ago, my life took a new turn.  One I’ve been expecting for a while, but that took a while to manifest itself.  After graduating from Gordon College last spring, I set my sights first on traveling to China, then to enjoying a summer off, and then to graduate school at Michigan State University.  Graduate school seemed like a big question mark in my head looming way off in the distance for so long, but then August 10th rolled around and I was driving, with all of my stuff in a UHAUL, to my new home.

When I got to my new apartment, I was super excited to finally have a place to call my own, and to decorate how I pleased (with nails and furniture instead of 3Ms and sticky tack).  As I began to make my new apartment feel like home, I saw influences of my family all over the place.  My mom in the organization of the kitchen; my sister in the decoration of my room; my brother in the layout of the furniture to optimize the open space; my father in the books on my bookshelf.  Clearly, as a graduate student, I’m not starting out with much: odds and ends from my grandmother’s furniture, chairs and a bed frame from garage sales, an accumulation of stuff from my last four years in undergrad… It’s simple and small, but it has turned into home.  It’s nice to come home and call this place mine, to be proud of its cleanliness and of the dinner cooking on the stove, the dishes drying in the dishrack instead of dirty in the sink, and to have a place to invite people in – into my home and into my life.

The first week in Michigan, I didn’t have any obligations to school, so I tried to find my way around the area a little bit, took care of some paperwork, and spent time organizing my apartment.  By the end of the week, I was starting to get restless and ready to start school again.  I’m used to being busy and working in the lab, and to not have that was starting to eat at me.  I went to a new church on Sunday and then started Orientation on Monday.

For all of last week, my fellow classmates and I listened to research talk upon research talk, and I started meeting with some professors to set up rotations for this fall and spring.  At the conclusion of the week, I felt less than prepared for graduate school, and the current grad students had succeeded in making me wonder if I was really cut out for this.  The weekend passed uneventfully with trying my third church on Sunday.

The official conclusion of Orientation happened on Monday with the first annual “retreat”.  Definition of retreat: Panel discussion, Graduate school resources talk, writing with integrity talk, six research talks, and finally a picnic.

On Tuesday, I started officially working in my first lab.  I’m working in a diabetic complications lab that contains one post doc, one PhD student, one lab manager and the PI.  Small lab, but so far I like it.  I’ve spent most of my time doing standard curves, learning assay techniques, and literature searching so far.  Today I got to set up my second rotation working in a chemistry lab with cf and cfrd.  I’m super excited about the potential for this rotation!

Grad school classes began on Wednesday.  My first class is apparently the worst class a graduate student could ever take, combining molecular biology and biochemistry into one semester.  Apparently there’s not even enough regular class time, because we have two night classes in addition to MWF class, and our exams are on Thursday nights.  The other class I’m taking is on TR and is about the macromolecular methods of analysis in biochemistry.  I’m so excited to learn more about NMR, MS, flow cytometry, and so many more awesome techniques.  The professor even knew my name when I walked into class this morning (I interviewed with him last spring, but still, he remembered me!).

So far, grad school has been pretty much awesome.  There have been some points of frustration and difficulty, but I’ve met some great people and I’m so excited to get to know them more over the course of the next few years.  I’m so thankful that God has placed me here, where I can grow and flourish.

It hasn’t all been roses and butterflies.  Yesterday was particularly hard, watching the facebook statuses of my friends back at Gordon, going back to what I know is familiar.  I miss so many people there so much, and it’s difficult to be so far away from them when all I want to do is just rush across campus to give them a hug and tell them how much they mean to me.  But, as I was reminded yesterday, there is a time for everything under the sun.  And right now, the time is for me to adjust to this new normal – living on my own, new friends, new labs, new classes, new stage in life.  That’s not to say I won’t still miss people at Gordon.  I always will, and I will always wish that Massachusetts and Michigan were closer in proximity than just in the alphabet.  But, I know that those people are only a phone call, text, email, facebook message, or skype call away.  And I’ll be content to wait for God’s timing in seeing them again, no matter how hard that is.

Blessings to all of you, but particularly those of you who are new friends and those of you who are old friends too.

The same God who led you in will lead you out; the same God who was with you then is with you now.