All posts by Kristen Mudrack

Tell Your Heart To Beat Again

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By Kristen Entwistle

I rarely hear a new song on the Christian radio station that I listen to in the car.  It’s not that there aren’t new songs, but that there’s a pretty solid playlist that they cycle through.  But yesterday, I heard a new song – at least, new to me.

I don’t think I’m the only one who has been through difficult circumstances or been disappointed by life’s waves.  When things are going well and you get blindsided – by unforseen heartbreak, an unexpected diagnosis, the death of a loved one, the loss of an unborn child, rejection from a potential job, personal rejection by a friend – the list could go on and on.

When life’s waves hit me and knock me over, it’s just not that simple – to tell my heart to beat again.  But what I love is that this song doesn’t say is that I have to tell my heart to beat again right now.  Healing takes time.  But healing also takes a beating heart.

Let every heartbreak
And every scar
Be a picture that reminds you
Who has carried you this far
‘Cause love sees farther than you ever could
In this moment heaven’s working
Everything for your good

Tell your heart to beat again
Close your eyes and breathe it in
Let the shadows fall away
Step into the light of grace
Yesterday’s a closing door
You don’t live there anymore
Say goodbye to where you’ve been
And tell your heart to beat again

I’m Not Normal

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I’m not the girl who turns heads on the street.  I don’t have the perfect body or the right hair or the right makeup or even the right clothes.  You’ll never find me on the cover of a magazine or even in an advertisement on page 73.  You won’t ever see my name in lights outside a theater or hear me sing to an audience of a thousand.  You’ll never turn on the radio and hear my songs or see my books on the bestseller list.

Sometimes I wish for those things – to be prettier, skinnier, more outgoing, to have the chance to know what it feels like to be a bestselling author or a famous singer.

But most of the time I just wish I was normal. 

If I were normal, I wouldn’t have to carry two dozen medications and four medical devices through airport security.  I wouldn’t have to get up an hour earlier than the rest of the world to do all of the medications and treatments that keep me alive.  I wouldn’t be told that my cough sounds terrible by strangers, and be slowly moved away from by people when I cough.  I wouldn’t have to explain to potential employers, friends, boyfriends and strangers why I am sick, and what my life expectancy is.

But if I were normal, I wouldn’t be me. 

I wouldn’t have to rely on God for every breath I take.  I wouldn’t have the same drive to make a difference in the research of CF.  I wouldn’t know how precious time really is, and try to make the most of it.  I wouldn’t be as conscious of what’s really important.

It’s changed me, CF.
It’s made me tougher.
Stronger.
A fighter.
A survivor. 

And it’s made me fully dependent on the One who made me, who knows me, and who loves me despite my many flaws.

I may never be prettier, skinnier, be a bestselling author or a famous singer.  And I will never be normal.

But I will always be a child of the King.

child of the king