I was watching the TODAY show this morning before coming to work, and this was one of the questions that they were asking their “experts.” When I initially heard them say that they were going to be asking this question, I was repulsed. Why should we even have to ask this question, better yet, why are we asking it on national television to three people who I don’t even know or recognize? Then, I was intrigued. I wanted to know what the “experts” were going to say, what they thought. After listening to the report, and doing some research of my own, I found that the question arose from a new study that 40% of people surveyed with this question answered “yes”. That report got me thinking, and so I posed the question to the world (aka Facebook) and received many responses from people who have health problems and people who don’t (A huge thank you to all of you who responded!!).
As someone with a health problem, I’d like to think that people can look past the outside and see what’s inside. I have many friends for which this is true, and the person they have ended up marrying is their best friend, supporter, and cheerleader. They go through everything together, the doctor’s visits, the trips to the hospital and ER, the issues with insurance companies, medications, surgeries… the list goes on. And as much as the person with health problems leans on the one without, the one without depends on the other just as much, just for other things.
I’m so thankful for these people and am so glad that they have been a blessing to others. But I also know and have experienced the 60% of people in that survey. I’ve been hurt so badly by someone who told me that I was worth nothing because I was going to die young, that he didn’t know why he dated me in the first place because I had CF. It doesn’t take much to realize that these words were said in haste and in anger, but they still hurt. They also make me much more hesitant to put myself out there, to hope that there is a person in that 40% out there that would be willing to love me for me. Any confidence I had was shattered, any hope I had flew away. Especially when I hear reports like today’s on the news, these things surface again. As I’ve said before, I know that God has it all in his plan and that all things work together for his good, and I’m encouraged by stories like those of Kait, Jake, Abbe, Steve, and many others.
For those who have someone to lean on, you are very very blessed indeed. For those of us who are still trying to do this on our own, faithfully patiently waiting can be tough. But, God has it all in his hands, and his timing is not our timing.
Thinking about this- it really shows the way we cling to the things and people God gives us instead of the giver, I was reminded about a quote someone read to me on Saturday:
“We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.” (C.S. Lewis, The Weight of Glory)
And this applies to people if they only see the disease instead of the person- they are looking at the wrong things. The person on the inside, the eternal soul, the spirit, character, beauty, love, goodness and inner strength that only come through wisdom, hope, trust, and love in Christ- those are the worthiest and most lovable things. People who only see the challenges of the disease are “far too easily pleased” with an exterior life, when all along God offers so much more through the people he allows to be tested by fire.. and yes, like someone commented on your Facebook, to some extent we all have baggage. It is how we respond to the challenges that allows God grow us into the strong and glorious warriors we are slowly becoming.
Keep strong, Kristen. You are so loved.
Hi Kristen,
I wanted the chance to write and hopefully offer you some encouragement. First, the bad news. People can be jerks, but you already know thar. I once had a girl ask me if there was any way that I could walk better. Ouch! I was then walking better than I ever had before ih my 20+ years, and it still wasn’t good enough,. Words do hurt. I had a terrible time in college with one notable exception. And, I made such a fool out of myself back then that it’s a wonder she still talks to me. It took years for me to realize that if a girl would hold hands with me in the back of a pickup in January on the way to see a movie, that she would probably go out with me on a date. Dah! I was such a fool. In the mean time I had and left two different jobs before going to grad school. I stayed in a very bad relationship for 18 months when it should have been over in a matter of weeks. Then at grad school everything changed. When I started dating Randi, all of her friends were happy for her, and a couple of them were actually jealous. That’s right! I broke the hearts, of more than one coed. And I’ve got the surprised kisses to prove it.
One more story. When I worked at Houghton College my office oipened up to a hallway that led from the caferteria to one of the girl’s dorm. I was following a group of people. One of the girls saw my door and pointed at the name plate,. When she turned and saw me, she became so embarrassed that she hid ih the janitors closet. One of the guys in the group told me that she had a pretty bad crush on me. I let her come out of the broom closet and leave wirgout GETTING HER NAME AND PHONE NUMBER! WHAT WAS I THINKING?.
There’s not a doubt in my mind that someone is going to come along, who loves Christ, knows that you are both beautiful and intelligient, and can’t imagine life without you., hpwever short or long that might be.
You may or may not know that I caught your mom’s garter at your parent’s wedding. I wish I’d still had it. I’d give it to you to use on a day that I have no doubts will come.
Love, Steve