It isn’t often that I’m really honest about this stuff, but I guess I’m feeling pretty … down and needing to say some of this right now.

Every girl wants to hear from a guy (one that’s not their dad) that they are beautiful and that they are loved.  I know that when I look in the mirror, I don’t see beautiful or pretty or worth something.  It’s unfortunate that I need to hear those things sometimes, and that I put any store in that.  But I’m human, can you blame me?  I know that God has made me who I am and I accept that.  I live each day knowing that there are things about myself and my life that I wish were different, but I can’t change many things.  I was made for a purpose, and I’ll live out that purpose to the best of my ability.

But this world has poisoned my mind to think that I need to be accepted and that I need to be beautiful to the world.  I don’t feel beautiful ever.  After the things that I’ve been told by boys and the jokes that are paid at my expense, it’s really difficult for me to see myself as anything but what their words described – worthless because I’m going to die young, not as pretty as his last girlfriend, not worth his time, not good enough.  I know I shouldn’t take stock in these words, nor set any store by them, but they play over and over in my head, reminding me that I’m not good enough and that I probably will never be.

I hear all the time that it’s okay, that the right guy will come along, blah, blah, blah.  But I’m starting to wonder.  It’s not that I doubt God’s plan for my life, perhaps I’m doubting his timing, which is not for me to do.  I need to patiently wait for whatever comes, but for the time being I need to see what He sees.  That’s so darn hard.  You know the saying that words don’t hurt?  They do, and you know what else they do?  Stick.

Lord help me to see myself as you see me.  And help me to patiently wait for your time.