There are many things running through my head this morning: the miracle of life; the pain of loss; the antibiotics and bacteria they are trying to kill; the overwhelming amount of things to do at work; hymns and songs for tonight’s practice, Palm Sunday, Good Friday, and Easter; women’s retreat music; the incompetence of some insurance company nurses; Bible study; friends in tough situations…  Like I said, many things.  And yet, through all of this, one bridge of a song keeps coming to mind:

So I’ll stand

With arms high and heart abandoned

In awe of the one who gave it all

So I’ll stand

My soul Lord to you surrendered

All I am is Yours.  

Let me try to put into cohesive words some of this, and maybe it will make sense to me when it’s all said and done, but more than that, I pray it brings you hope, no matter what you are going through.

I woke up this morning to my jarring buzzer telling me it was time to hook up one of my IVs.  I promptly hit the off button, and rolled out of bed.  I started the med and got breakfast, and sat down with my vest on.  I looked at my phone, and saw that I had some facebook notifications.  The first one was two pictures of my dear friend’s newborn baby and me from last weekend.  I smiled and thanked God for this miracle of life, this week-old child who brings such joy to so many people.  The next notification had to do with a status I posted yesterday of an incompetent insurance company nurse.  A quick thanks to all of you who have brought smile and laughter through this person’s frustrating incompetence.

After getting to work this morning, I pulled out my phone, and saw two missed calls from my dad. I had a feeling that I knew what the call was about, and so I called him back to find that, in fact, I had been right.  Early this morning, my great uncle Kenneth passed away.  As my dad always said, he had the heart of a saint and the mind of a child.  I can remember many, many phone calls from Kenneth.  Always short conversations, but you always knew that he loved you.  Sometimes he would call and want to talk to mom, other times it would be dad, and when I was home for breaks, he always said hi to me and asked how I was.  He always asked how the pets were, and if he forgot to ask about one, he called back and asked about the ones he forgot.  Although I never knew Kenneth very well, I was always struck by how like Christ he was.  He loved everyone, no matter what, and never complained about his situation.  I am truly grateful to have known such a wonderful man, who will be missed by many.

This and all the other things running through my head bring me back to the lyrics above, from Hillsong’s The Stand.  Sometimes in this life, it is difficult to stand.  It’s easier to fall down to the ground and stay there.  And yes, we need to be brought to our knees sometimes to cry out to God, but we are not called to lie prostrate and let the world just go on around us.  We’re called to be in the world, yet not of it.  We’re called to be light and salt and hope to those in this world.  We are called to be the body of Christ.  So we stand.  And we put one foot in front of the other.  But we stand, with arms high and heart abandoned, reaching out to a God who knows our fears, tears, and grins.  A God who reaches out His hands to us, and catches us when we fall.  So I’ll stand, my soul Lord to you surrendered.  All I am is Yours.

All I am is Yours.  ALL.  The good, the bad, the struggles, the triumphs, the things I understand and the things I don’t, the miracle of life, the sting of death and yet the knowledge that he is in a better place, the insecurities and the music.  Everything I have been, am, and will be, I give to You.  Lord, all I am is Yours.