Up until last week, I’ve never told anyone explicitly what that guy five years ago said to me, let alone tell nearly 150 people in a public talk.  But something amazing happened last week when I did.

From the moment that I was asked to speak, I knew what I was supposed to say.  There was never any doubt in my mind that this is what I supposed to share with these women.  Preparing for the brunch, I was nervous.  It wasn’t that I was afraid of how it was going to be received, or about speaking, or about who was listening, but that this was going to be difficult for me.  I felt that if I said it out loud, it was real, and I didn’t want it to be.  I didn’t want to relive that part of my life again.  But I knew that God would give me strength to get through it, and he would use it for his glory.  There were a number of friends and family who also helped during this time by lifting me up in prayer and encouraging me.  (Thank you!)

And so, the morning of the brunch, I was still nervous.  And when I started speaking, I started getting choked up – which I wasn’t expecting.  I thought I could get through it without being affected, without remembering that it had happened like it was yesterday.  That’s why I spoke about most of it in the third person – it was easier.  But I didn’t think it was going to be that hard.

After it was all said and done and I was finally in the car with only me, myself and I did I get a chance to think about everything.  And what I realized was incredible.  I hadn’t even realized that I was holding on to what he had said.  And the part that really gets me: I realized that the reason I held onto it was because I thought that he might be right.  Maybe I couldn’t be good enough or pretty enough or smart enough or worth anything.  Maybe he was right.

But he wasn’t.  Because the outpouring of love and support and encouragement that I have received from my church family has taught me that he was not right.  And I don’t ever have to relive that moment again, because I have been set free from it.  It doesn’t matter anymore.  Because I am defined by Christ, my security is in Christ, and if I’ve learned anything in the last whirlwind two weeks, it is that He has perfect timing, and a plan that I couldn’t ever begin to fathom.  And I’m so, so grateful.