Today was one of the those rare days when I didn’t want to do it anymore.
I didn’t want to be sick anymore. I didn’t want to have to wonder if I was going to be able to sing on Sunday because I’ve been coughing so much. I didn’t want to feel like the perpetually sick girl in the back of class anymore. I didn’t want to wonder how many more of these holidays I have left to spend with my family and friends. I didn’t want to think about how I may never have kids or a family of my own. And as the song ‘God gave me you’ came on the radio, I didn’t want to ask God again why I didn’t have a ‘you’. I didn’t want to think of the meds I still had to do or the recurrent P. aeruginosa infection in my lungs.
I didn’t want to do it anymore. But as I pulled into my apartment complex, I was reminded that God is God and I am not. The snow falling outside my windows speaks of a God who is not only sovereign but merciful. The people who decorated the church for Christmas tonight speak of Christ’s love for His people. The kids I had the privilege to chase around the church tonight show me the power of a child-like faith and the love a parent has for a child. The worship director who works so very hard to make everything flow well and allow people to worship on Sunday mornings speaks to the power of our God to strengthen His people. The music coming from my speakers sings of a God who loves, disciplines, and strengthens his children.
He loves me. He loved me enough to die a cruel death on a cross, he loves me like a daughter and always will.
He allows me to go through things in life to make me a stronger person, to minister to others and to bring his light to this broken world. My CF is both my greatest witness tool and Satan’s greatest sword. But I will not let him take hold in my life. Not today. Not ever. This may be one of the hard days, but I will keep on keeping on. I will keep on fighting. I will look to Him who gives me strength every day and I will face every challenge with the God of Heaven by my side. And I will be forever thankful for the people He has placed around me who continue to amaze me with their outpouring of grace, mercy and love into my life. Thank you for helping me fight every day and for encouraging me when I am down and showing me Christ in everything that you do. I can’t ever say thank you enough.