Category Archives: God’s love

Not My Dreams, But Yours

dreams, God's love, Waiting

By Kristen Entwistle

I don’t put much stock in dreaming.  Mostly because I find that the dreams (as in hopes and aspirations) I have end up getting squashed by the world or by other people.  Perhaps that’s why I didn’t particularly like this song the first few times I heard it.  Then I actually started listening.

The song talks about David, his dreams of being a ‘big-time shepherd someday.’  But God had bigger plans for him than shepherding sheep.  David was going to the shepherd king, the one on whom the lineage of Jesus rested.  The song talks about Mary, who dreamed of having a family.

But God had bigger plans for her: raising a king. 

Makes me wonder what kind of dreams God has for me.

dreams 1

Because if I allow myself to really think about it, I do have dreams: Dreams of white dresses and of kids playing in the backyard.  Dreams of teaching and writing and speaking.  Dreams of contributing in a very small way to CF research.  Dreams of loving the next generation to Jesus.

Sometimes I start to wonder if I’m just deluding myself, hoping that these dreams might someday come true.  Sometimes I wonder if dreaming is worth it – if I’m just going to be disappointed.

Because when you’re in the thick of life, when it feels like you’re sinking in the quicksand, straining against the current or stuck in the mud – I find that it’s harder to stay positive, and easier to be cynical and bitter.

But then I come back to this song, Dream For You.  What would happen if I let God dream for me instead?

What if I was just have willing to say, “God, do with me and my life what you will.  I’m willing to live all of my life for you.  Not my will, but yours be done.  Not my dreams, God, but yours.” 

dreams 2

It’s not like my dreams are unrealistic – being a princess or having a castle or being a millionaire.  But in the end, God has a better plan for me than I could ever imagine.  And yes, I hope that some of the things that I dream of will come true someday.  But I’m going to let Him dream for me tonight, and wait and see what He’s got in store.

So come on, let me dream, let me dream for you

I am strong, when you’re weak I will carry you

So let go of your plans, be caught in my hand

I’ll show you what I can do

When I dream for you

 

He Is Faithful

Broken, Faithful, God's love

By Kristen Entwistle

I don’t really celebrate my birthday anymore.  It’s really just like any other day.

Twenty-five years ago, my parents were told that, because of my disease, I wouldn’t live to see my twenties.  Since my birth, medicine and science have provided some new treatments that have increased the life expectancy to 37.

And here I am, at the age of 25, still living, breathing, and praising God for every day. 

It’s pretty amazing that God could take this broken body and use it for His glory.

It’s almost unbelievable that He can take my story, my brokenness, my disease, my sickness, and use it to draw myself and others closer to Him. 

He’s given me a voice to sing His praises, and a platform to share Him with those around me.

And so today, I’m going to celebrate His faithfulness.

I’m going to celebrate what He has done, and what He has brought me through.  The fires that He has brought me through have refined me.  The trials that He has walked with me through have strengthened me.  Through the valleys and the mountains, He has been faithful, and He will continue to be faithful to the end of time.

That’s something to be thankful for.  That’s something to celebrate.

Phil 1 6

***Also published at brokenbeautifulBOLD.com ***

From The Inside Out

God's love, Truth

By Kristen Entwistle

Yesterday was a rough day.  This week has been difficult.  This month…tough.  This year…don’t even get me started.  Rough doesn’t even begin to describe it.  And yet through all of it, I’ve seen God work – in my life and in others.  And He’s taught me a lot, as always.  But it certainly has not been an easy road.

Last week, I got to praise team practice, weary, worn, and in need of a friend.  As I opened the door to the sanctuary, I heard two friends playing From the Inside Out.  It’s a song I’ve known for a long time, but we introduced it to our congregation just a few weeks ago.

The words stopped me in my tracks.

A thousand times I’ve failed
Still your mercy remains
Should I stumble again
Still I’m caught in your grace
Everlasting, your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, your glory goes beyond all fame

I’m pretty sure that a thousand times is a gross underestimation of how many times I’ve screwed up in my 24 years of life.  And yet EVERY time, God picks me up, dusts me off, and puts me right side up again.  EVERY time.  And His grace truly is enough.  Enough for me.  Even though I’m not perfect, even though I don’t believe that I am worth anything sometimes, even though I fail, and I fall, even though I am broken and bruised and battered and worn – God still chooses me.  He still uses me.

Your will above all else
My purpose remains
The art of losing myself in bringing you praise
Everlasting, your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, your glory goes beyond all fame

I don’t know about you, but sometimes trying to decipher the will of God seems like wading through jello.  Jello.  But the will of God is still what I strive for above all else.  But it’s hard to strive for something that you don’t really understand, don’t get.  When the questions pile up, when the struggles seem too hard to bear, when the rain seems never-ending – it’s easier to cry out to God asking, “Why?” than to say, “Your will be done.”  But Christ, our example, showed us the way when, in the Garden of Gethsemane, he cried out to the Father, asking Him to take this cup, but ultimately saying, “Your will be done.”  So, Father God, Your will be done in my life.  No matter how difficult it may be.

In my heart, in my soul
I give you control
Consume me from the inside out
Let justice and praise
Become my embrace
To love you from the inside out

Perhaps these lines are the ones that really hit me: In my heart, in my soul, I give you control.  I like to be able to control things.  But I’ve got to let go of the illusion of control because, let’s be honest, if I truly had control of my life, it would be a disaster.  Fortunately, Christ is the one in control of my life.  But my desire for control is really a measure of my distrust.  When I try to take control, I’m saying, “God, I really think I could do this better.  I know what I need better than you do.  Your will is actually better in my hands.  I don’t trust you with this.”  But the thing is, I do trust God.  Wholeheartedly.  With everything.  I’m human.  I’m going to want control sometimes.  I’m going to take it into my own hands and screw it up.  But just like the beginning of this song says, A thousand times I’ve failed, still your mercy remains.  So I’m letting go of my desire for control.  I want the world to see Christ when they see me.  Christ is the center of my life, my all, my everything.  Consume me from the inside out, Lord.  

Everlasting, your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, your glory goes beyond all fame
And the cry of my heart is to bring you praise
From the inside out
Lord my soul cries out

from the inside out

Because the cry of my heart is to bring you praise.  To love the Lord with ALL of my heart, ALL of my soul, ALL of my mind, and ALL of my strength.  To live my life for the One who saved me, who pursued me, who bought me for a price – His life – who continues to pick me up when I fall, who continues to reach out His hand to call me back when I have walked away.  Whose grace is enough for me.

When I left praise team practice, I was still weary, worn, and in need of a friend.  My week was still tough.  My year still rough.  But I walked away with a reminder that no matter how many times I have failed, His mercies remain.  That the Lord of the Universe is who I am living for, and His will is perfect.  That He is in control.  And I am not.

The cry of my heart is to bring You praise.

From the inside out, Lord, my soul cries out.

Messy Canvas Of Life

Broken, God's love, , ,

By Kristen Entwistle

I’m not a super-crafty person.  For example, when I try to paint something, it usually ends up looking like a 2-year-old’s art project that you hang on the fridge – which is cute from a 2-year-old, but not from a 24-year old.  Needless to say, my ‘art’ is usually recycled with the cardboard boxes.

Think of your life as a canvas.  Everything shows up on it – the good, the bad, and the ugly.   You try to cover up the things that you don’t want others to see – which usually ends up just making it look messy.  You try to paint over the mistakes – sometimes it works, but then the paint starts peeling.  Maybe there’s a corner of your canvas that you’ve tried to keep white.  And now it’s got smudges.  Maybe your canvas, like mine, ends up looking more like a mess than a beautiful picture.  Maybe your life, like mine, ends up looking a little messy.  You begin to wonder if God wants your mess, your brokenness.  Your messy canvas of life. But, my friend,

It’s those messes that God uses in His glorious masterpiece.  

Up close, the giant canvas of God’s plan looks a little splotchy, a little messy, a little disjointed.  Up close, it looks like it doesn’t all fit together.  But as you step further away, you begin to see it.

All of the broken pieces fit together perfectly.

All of the smudges look like they were meant to be.

All of the colors blend seamlessly together.

But it’s all made up of messy pieces.  Messy canvases.  My life.  Your life.

The great grace of God brings together all of our broken, scratched, smudged, messy pieces and puts them together in just the right way to bring about His plan, His masterpiece.

He wipes our canvas clean when we accept Him as Savior. 

And then He starts painting. 

Our canvas may still look like a mess to us.  But when God is done, when we see ourselves in the bigger picture, our messy life fits perfectly into exactly what He wanted us to be: His children.

messy canvas

Your Testimony

Broken, God's love, Testimony, , , ,

 

By Kristen EntwistleYour-testimony-300x150Sharing your testimony is a phrase that we throw around a lot in Christian circles.  For a long time, I didn’t think that I had a testimony.  When people shared their testimonies at summer camp, retreats, or from the pulpit, they were always testimonies that were so heart-breaking yet so powerful and moving that they spoke of a great God.  I didn’t think there was any way that I could measure up to that.

It was at a Christian summer camp in middle school that started to change my mind. Our group traveled into the city to a park, where we were asked to share our testimony with some inner city kids.

The guy before me pulled out one of those perfect testimonies
that left my heart in pieces on the floor
and my hands raised to our eternal God. 

His story: being misdiagnosed at birth with the very disease that I have.

Well, that put my “testimony” in the trash.  I took the paper out of my pocket and ripped it up.  I don’t remember what I said.  The one thing I remember is that I told them that I had Cystic Fibrosis (CF).  I’m pretty sure I started crying at that point and sat down.

But I still was convinced that other people’s testimonies
were better than my nonexistent one. 

It wasn’t until my senior year in college that God showed me how very wrong I was.  My pastor at the time asked if I would be willing to share my testimony during the service one Sunday.

I said no.

He kept asking, and eventually I said yes, just so that he would quit asking.  Having no clue what to say, I prayed and then sat down and started to write.  And as I wrote, I found myself being honest and vulnerable and I saw God’s hand in my life, leading me from before I was conceived until now.

I thought that I was just a person with an early expiration date that couldn’t do anything for the Kingdom.

I thought that my struggles were my own and that no one else struggled with them too.

I thought that God could never use a person so broken as me.

I thought that that I didn’t have a testimony to share.

I thought that my testimony was about me. 

But here’s the thing:

Your testimony is not about what you have overcome in life, though that is part of it.

Your testimony is not about what you have suffered in life, though that is part of it.

Your testimony is not about you, though you are the vessel through which it is brought to others.

Your testimony is about a God who has known you from before you were born.

Your testimony is about a God who has brought you through the fire so that you can be refined.  Your testimony is about a God who has been by your side and who has loved you even when you have walked away from Him.  Your testimony is about a God who sent His one and only Son to redeem the world.  Your testimony is about a God who chose you: a broken, beautiful, bold child of God.

So no matter how broken you think you are, no matter how far you have strayed, no matter how boring you may think your life is, God has done something in you.  He has redeemed you, and He is working out your testimony in His time.  You may not be able to see it right now.  God’s not done with you yet.  But that doesn’t mean that you don’t have a testimony right now.

So share your life with people, share with them the God that has redeemed you.  Share with them the power of our great God.

Share with them the God who knows you and loves you no matter what. 

Because you are a testament to God’s great love, and that is a powerful testimony.  It’s your testimony.  

*This post first appeared at brokenbeautifulbold.com*