Category Archives: dreams

More Than Just A Number

By Kristen Entwistle

I am a Christian.  And I am a scientist.  And sometimes, I get caught up in the numbers, the data, and the predictions.  Particularly when it comes to CF. 

Because my life, for many years, revolved around a number.  37.5.  It was my expiration date.  What medical science said my life would be.  And the scientist in me held onto that.  Through the fault of no one else, I somehow had it through my head that my life had an end point and that I knew at least a general idea of when that would be.  I used to count up the years that I would spend in school, through a PhD program – when I finish I will be in my late 20s.  How many years did that leave me to make an impact?  To do something worthwhile with my life?

I’ve known forever that we can’t know the day or the time or how we’ll go home to the Lord.  It’s been engrained in my head for over two decades.  But somehow, the science and the medicine and the numbers had impeded my faith.

Because it’s not true.  I’m more than just a number.  More than just a disease.  More than just another n in a paper.    I’m more than just my life expectancy. 

number 1

My life already does mean something: because Christ has saved me and set me free from the bondage of sin.  I don’t need to worry about making an impact in this world, because all I can really do is lay down my life at the foot of the cross and ask God to use my life for His glory.

I am living for more than just a number.  I am living for the King of Kings, the Savior of the World.  I have been freely given salvation, grace, and mercy, and the promise of a better life in heaven, where there will be no more pain, no more sickness, and no more death.  I can’t wait for that. 

number 2

But as much as I am looking forward to that, I am going to, to borrow a phrase from La Vida, be here now.  I’ve got to live in the here and now, a vessel for God to use, no matter what.  I’ve got to choose to give the numbers to God, and trust Him to see me through, and to call me home in His timing.

Not My Dreams, But Yours

By Kristen Entwistle

I don’t put much stock in dreaming.  Mostly because I find that the dreams (as in hopes and aspirations) I have end up getting squashed by the world or by other people.  Perhaps that’s why I didn’t particularly like this song the first few times I heard it.  Then I actually started listening.

The song talks about David, his dreams of being a ‘big-time shepherd someday.’  But God had bigger plans for him than shepherding sheep.  David was going to the shepherd king, the one on whom the lineage of Jesus rested.  The song talks about Mary, who dreamed of having a family.

But God had bigger plans for her: raising a king. 

Makes me wonder what kind of dreams God has for me.

dreams 1

Because if I allow myself to really think about it, I do have dreams: Dreams of white dresses and of kids playing in the backyard.  Dreams of teaching and writing and speaking.  Dreams of contributing in a very small way to CF research.  Dreams of loving the next generation to Jesus.

Sometimes I start to wonder if I’m just deluding myself, hoping that these dreams might someday come true.  Sometimes I wonder if dreaming is worth it – if I’m just going to be disappointed.

Because when you’re in the thick of life, when it feels like you’re sinking in the quicksand, straining against the current or stuck in the mud – I find that it’s harder to stay positive, and easier to be cynical and bitter.

But then I come back to this song, Dream For You.  What would happen if I let God dream for me instead?

What if I was just have willing to say, “God, do with me and my life what you will.  I’m willing to live all of my life for you.  Not my will, but yours be done.  Not my dreams, God, but yours.” 

dreams 2

It’s not like my dreams are unrealistic – being a princess or having a castle or being a millionaire.  But in the end, God has a better plan for me than I could ever imagine.  And yes, I hope that some of the things that I dream of will come true someday.  But I’m going to let Him dream for me tonight, and wait and see what He’s got in store.

So come on, let me dream, let me dream for you

I am strong, when you’re weak I will carry you

So let go of your plans, be caught in my hand

I’ll show you what I can do

When I dream for you